The Memory Garden

Chapter 10 by Robert 

A Kestrel ghast is a former demon who had its soul ripped from it by a soul collector. This left them very angry half alive demons / ghosts. Often a ghast will take a job to make the doldrums of endlessly walking the earth somewhat enjoyable. Commonly these jobs are said to be callous and annoying. Jobs like bus drivers, department of motor vehicles administration, Starbucks baristas and pet grooming assistants. Kestrel took a different career choice - a puzzle assassin.Kestrel lived in cramped apartment with his mother slime still dripping fresh from the ceiling and down the walls. Kestrel never washed them after she passed on. Today Kestrel was enjoying his late afternoon cup of tea. His tea of choice was a quick mix of Indian Chai and fermented fish livers gave this pot its own disgusting ad yet appealing scent. Blasting on the telly was the recent rugby game between IL Begots and Greenlight, the local windmill making company, while in the kitchen was the smell of burnt kittenpot pies.A whine rang through the cramped apartment while Kestrel tried to balance his teaspoon and the remote on the same claw. As if being a demon which looks more like a cross between a lobster and a grizzly bear was hard enough then there is the whole ‘ghast’ factor as well. Ghasts give off semi solid wisps of ether which often come drifting off your a ghasts hairy shell, given they have one.The wisps wrapped around the phone and began to lift it when Kestrel answered.“My fee is equal to the contract primed by tin and factored against at least three filters. Counter speak now.”This was very common in puzzle assassin negotiations. Kestrel’s mother was always proud of her bug’s loud vocal spells. Mother Kestrel often told this to any or every of her victims when she was alive. She even had a signature on her email that bragged as such to online strangers.“Two to the factor of five. Your contract is accepted. Soon you will see the fill-in the blanks. Please do not take your time. Effort in an essence.” The grating screen of metal on metal had a voice that replied to Kestrel’s demands.A large sigh from Kestrel as he continued to stir his tea and zoom into the crotch shot of one of the kickers to an Ill Begots player when slowly the screen morphed into a snapshot of two people leaving the Pinnacle. Fuzzy shots of Mathew Lemon and the half demon named Kaplin appeared and within moments so did graffiti who whoever was sending the broadcast. Mathew hat suddenly became a large 70’s afro and Kaplin had Dumbo-like ears and shades, one of his teeth knocked out and holding a tail in a provocative way. Brush of a wisp turned off the telly yet the images remained and then slowly faded away.Kestrel took the time to finish his tea since they were not due to be near for another few minutes or so the cryptic symbols at the bottom of the telly currently read. 

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Now we change scenes. Please feel free to take a break. Fart or do whatever human bodily function / addiction / refueling you require. We shall begin in the next paragraph. 

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The room wouldn’t stop spinning, not even when he begged it to while on his knees and praying to the Porcelain shrine with various stomach fluids and former dinners in liquid form exhaling from his mouth at high speeds.            Never again was a phrase that wasn’t in Kaplin’s vocabulary so he couldn’t curse the fact that drinking, fucking and smoking out a room full of undead at the House of Couches or the next-door party room, Eisley’s, was a stupid idea and one he shouldn’t attempt again in the future but alas. Gripping the stall’s doorframe, Kaplin tried to get up yet only to succumb to fucking gravity and his disorientation. Hitting the shrine with such force that he shattered the lid did slightly make an impact that perhaps such events should not occur during the week and at lunch.“Yurgzy ill ‘stand…” was all that Kaplin could muster without expelling more protein and flesh all over the floor. Okay. One more try and this time with force Kaplin managed to raise himself, a little bit of stuff dribbled out his mouth as he got to his feet and giggled, then one step and a lot of swaying – he was OUT!Covered head to toe in vomit that looked more like someone’s brains and guts all over himself, Kaplin smiled at his visual in the mirror only to note that one of the department suckups – assistant to the assistant to the national director of assistants who suck the presidential dick of the Pinnacle’s head director’s assistant was standing there with a wide mouth mason. Dressed to be a while collar nothing and black slacks, this nobody was quickly punching this info into the palmish device implanted on his right wrist.Flashbacks of many naked bodies atop of one another was pushed aside and all Kaplin could see is the palmish device. If word got out that Kaplin was found again in the departmental bathroom covered head to toe in half demon vomit, he would surely loose whatever is left on his free Krustie Krump donuts card discount and FUCK, who can live without those bloody addictions ever Monday morning? I mean the department of Lifestyle recommends them for a healthy demonic diet along with a few pints and a dozen smokes before even attempting to speak on a Monday morning!A rage built up and exploded within Kaplin and within moments the poor suck-up had his head slammed into the now broken and shattered mirror after which nailed the sink on the way down. Fucking gravity again doing its best. Kaplin also hit the mirror and then ripped off the cold water tap to which the bathroom itself had enough and gave out a large scream. It was already had a small portion covered in half demon fluids, a toilet lid broken now add a few mirrors, a nick on one of the sinks from the suck-ups top left incisor. A tooth which was now snuggled in the vomit after being forcible smashed out of the suckups mouth upon impact. That was also painful but luckily the suckup couldn’t understand any of that since taking such a nick out of the sink put him into a concussion and aptly knocked him out of consciousness.Struggling to gain some kind of control, Kaplin reached and punched some of the palmish devices buttons. A voice spoke up and Kaplin just replied, “Everything is fine. How are you?” then noted that it best to just get the fuck outta here before more troops arrive to attend to the screaming bathroom. On his way out Kaplin saw one thing written upon the back of the main doorway and on the condom dispencer:For a great mind ‘uck, call Salty’s [numbers were faded away and / or Kaplin’s eye sight was very blurry given his inebriation]This memory came flooding back to Kaplin as he and Mathew Lemon were riding the short yet terrible shaky serpent rail from South Pinnacle to North Pinnacle and near the rotten mushroom they needed to find to enter Tatterdown. Giving the seat a shake and roll, Kaplin finished off the quick guise glyph on his wrist with a jiffy marker. Taking a good few seconds to sniff the fresh paint and inhale some of those lovely toxic fumes seemed to remind Mathew to pad himself down for his lighter. Never be gone without one he remembered was muttered once from a voice in a cell long ago.Smells of bad perfume, piss and vomit came from the Sloggy beast that moved next to Kaplin and Lemon. Mathew moved slightly behind a cardboard cutout of a Ragged Robin to snort flowered dry paper than the Sloggy beasts sexual juices. Within moments Kaplin got into an argument with the Sloggy beast whos name was Beany Bratts the third and even as they made their way off the serpent rail and along the yellow and red markings where to go to get the funk off the station Kaplin and Beany kept arguing. Mathew pulled on Kaplin’s hoddie but to no avail.Kaplin ended his argument with “Bad dreams, sad scenes and fear can kill yeah!” to which Beany Bratts just slide away leaving his slimy residue all over the station. As the moved on and off the station, Mathew leaned into Kaplin…“Was the necessary?”“Very much so. Do you see this glyph?”“The mark on your han… oh it is now glowing.”“Bad dreams can kill yeah!”“Hmmm… a protection spell?”“Nope. Chaos curse, I just needed someone to activate it so I pissed on the Sloggy beast Beany Bratts.”“And this will do what exactly?”“Think of it as an early warning system. Kinda like Spidery senses without all the webbing.”“Well. Good. Now where do we go?”“Right. Fucking good question.”“You mean to say that you do not know?”“Well, I mean its not flashing in my face at this very secon… oh wait, there it fucking is!”And with that delightful comment, Mathew Lemon and Kaplin stepped down a small alleyway and to a door reading: Brass Monkey. Kaplin smiled to Mathew and licked his lips.            “Are you ready to sing?”“What? Why? This is not a Pinnacle door is it?”The door then roared, “I am no LONGER a Pinnacle door. Did you every hear of the story of the Brass…”Mathew cut off the tone deaf roaring door, “Yes and I do not wish to hear it again, Thank-you. Please open…”, but then stopped when Kaplin shook his head.“I will NOT open up for any agents of the Pinnacle. I have been mocked for years now and I will not listen to you bellow commands to me!”Kaplin just sighed, rolled his eyes as door rambled on and on about why it will not let them in. Moving aside and then Kaplin knelt down next to a small Mushroom that was growing out from the side of the ground next to the large tone deaf door. Lemon took a moment to look and then slowly bent down to see the small mushroom. It almost looked like it was ready to fall over dead but upon further inspection it was one of the most beautiful mushrooms he had ever seen.“Please sing to the ‘shroom and it will open the door.”Mathew began to quietly hum a little verse of Tomoyasu Hotei’s “Battle Without Honor” and while he did the mushroom began to light up and glow. While continuing to hum, Mathew noted that the mushroom was in fact a tiny machine and just made to look like a mushroom as micro panels began to shift and move, revealing and technological workings inside. It was simply amazing and all this time, Kaplin was tried hard to flick a few beer bottle caps he found on the serpent train at a small robin about halfway up the brick building beside them upon a fire escape.The roaring door suddenly stopped speaking and just opened up. Lemon got up and made a mental note to come back one day and examine that mushroom or whatever it is while Kaplin was still trying one last time to peg the robin with his last cap but he was always a bad shot. They stepped through and right into the busy hustle of tatterdown’s main street where ever manner of vehicle was attempting to be on the same road at the very same time, both ways.Kaplin pulled Lemon to the sidewalk and then some, checking his glyph for anything special. Mathew Lemon seemed as though he had just walked through any old door and was not phased at all that a dozen machined monsters almost mowed him down. Kaplin took a moment and leaned against a buildings nicely formatted ceramic exterior wall. At that very moment, his glyph sudden burned on his wrist. As he pulled his hand away, gripping it tight came a large smashing sound from above. As if something large and heavy had just broken through the fine ceramic wall. Kaplin barely got enough time to grab Mathew’s jacket and scream, “RUN!” and start the chase when the shadow fell upon them. Mathew was taking a moment, which was now gone, to check his black bag when Kaplin so rudely grabbed him but when that large shadow drew upon them he knew that it was time. Now was the chase scene.As if lightening hit the street, the ghast made the same bright explosion when it struck the ground and spun its two antenna-like eyes out to spot its prey. Lemon and Kaplin were moving like never before between people who were just stumbling along the mad street of everything imaginable. Mathew’s shoulder drove right through a bald skinny man with strange tattoos, funky glasses and fumbling with a bowel dissembler gun as he made his way for escape. Kaplin smashed his knee into the side of a very goth looking young woman with markings on her face, he didn’t look back, he couldn’t care less. Just keep moving is all they thought.“What in the Pinnacle’s name is that?”“Seems like a ghast to me!”“I thought that all ghasts were captured?”“Well obviously fucking not. I never saw one after anyone… they like to annoy people…”“This is bloody annoying!”“No shit! Why would someone send one after us?”“No. What is it? A serial ghast?”They turned the corner and down another alleyway off the main street, pushing past various drunken, stoned and dead bodies of demons, humans and whatever, they didn’t care. Keep moving is all that mattered.            “No such thing. Wait.”“I am not stopping…”“Fuck, I mean, what else comes after agents?”“Oh bloody hell”“Assassins! No what kind do we have?”Kaplin took a brief moment to look back and saw its predator, a half lobster-bear ghast thing crawling quickly and bouncing off the alleyway walls in pursuit. Wisps of ether flying off it like tassels and attacking anything it comes near by striking the poor sods eyes with needle-like points. A breath and suddenly Kaplin was pulled around the alley exit by Lemon’s grasp and right into a small corner side café. With another step, Kaplin went smashing right into an older bearded man enjoying his smoke and coffee and just about to write another chapter to this bloody mess when Kaplin ended that right quick. All this older man wanted to do was to enjoy a smoke and coffee at a small café in somewhere like Paris or such, well this was Tatterdown but beggars cant be choosers, and just write but not this afternoon. Not only did Kaplin push the man down but stepped on his right hand and kicked him in the chest while continuing down and away with another well groomed man in a trench coat, Lemon.            The man was just about to start cursing at the assholes who just ruined his afternoon, smoke, coffee and inflicted pain upon him but he noted that now they were half way down the new street and away from the café. When some waiters came out to help a large sound of numerous small metallic feet upon brick came into clarity and the Kestrel ghast appear out from the alleyway. Within moments it was passing by but its wisps reached out and poked out the eyes of two of the waiters but left the older man. Kaplin took the moment to look back again and answered while they both dodged a camel taking a dump and spit.“Right. It must be a puzzle assassin. Its taking eyes!”“Is that a sign of a puzzle assassin?”“No. It’s a obsession of puzzle assassins ghasts, they hate being seen when they are in pursuit. Looses the enigma of the chase.”“Oh so we are rightly dead then?”“No. Wait. What is Salty’s phone number?”
“Who?”
“Salty’s? What is his number? Fuck man, remember!”“Are you talking to me?”“Come on, remember… you smashed the sucks head… what is Salty’s number?”“You are obviously not talking to me.”The Kestrel ghast was almost upon the two of them when they turned yet another corner store and almost ran into two young men standing right there in full Pinnacle militia gear. Kestrel took this slow down to its own advantage and decided to put some fear into his chase, he raised his claw and slammed it right through one of the two militia men standing right there while both Kaplin and Lemon jumped aside. Within a moment, Kestrel whipped back his claw and held the young man’s still beating heart. Kestrel started to crackle and laugh when suddenly everything just stopped.Stone cold dead. No noise. No nothing. Kaplin and Lemon took a moment to get up from the ground where they fell aside and brush themselves off. The Kestrel ghast was looking around in much confusion with a young man’s heart in claw. Kaplin leaned into Mathew.“What is it? Salty’s number?”“I really do not know. Do you know what is happening here?”“Re-write.”“What? Really? So soon?”“Yup. See here come the censors…”And on cue stepped in two young men dressed all in white with black strips over their eyes. Only one of the two young censors spoke.“Right. Now who did this?”At that moment the older man from the café made his way down and just points out towards you. Yes, you the reader but its almost as if he is pointing past you, just to the right.“He did this. He knows the rules and yet… well, we all know his reputation… like a tide that one is!”Just then another mid thirties overweight man stepped into view and almost as if it just brushed right past you. Yes, you the reader. Standing there in his black socks, black boxers and orange t-shirt and laptop closed in hand.“Hey fuck you! What is this, GI-fucking-Joe? How many people are we putting into this story anyways? I thought there were no rules but oh no!”“No sir, please calm down”“Oh so you think you can just do what you want? Kill anyone you want? What if we just decide to kill one of your creations?”“Fuck man, I don’t shive a git. I told you that long ago!”“Oh yes you just want to either have everyone on the same page and working only this all the time or only when it suits you!”“Please gentlemen, can we just calmly discuss this for a answer?”
“NO! He will not!”
“Fuck you both!”            The other censor was dealing with the young milita man and his lost heart and this was when Kaplin stepped over to the other white censor and nicked his copy of the chapter and flipped back through and to a point. Kaplin took the next few minutes to concentrate hard while the other censor was slowly taking the heart out of the confused Kestrel ghasts claw. Mathew just took note of it all and moved next to Kaplin.“Do you remember now?”“Shhh… I spoke to the device… then I… it was…”“Odd or even?”“I sai… wait. Yes! Odd.”Kaplin then pushed aside the censor and stepped over to Kestrel who suddenly went from a limp bizkit to full battle mode and ready to strike. Lemon was slowly behind Kaplin, no afraid just looking for options, but Kaplin just announced one thing:“97! The answer to your riddle is 97. Salty’s number!”The Kestrel ghast just stared at Kaplin. Very few have been able to figure out his answer and often once they did or do, he ensured that they never would again since they often just blurted it out in chance or luck. No one ever put the answer to any function so I guess the same was to happen here.“The nine is 5+9+5+5 which is 24 which is 2+4 which is 6.”“Seven is 1+5+6+5+5 which is…”“No. Seven is 1+5+4+5+5 not 1+5+6+5+5.”“Oh shit, right, Seven is 20 which is 2+0 which is 2.”Kaplin stepped up and put his hand through the wisps and onto the furry shell of the ghast.“Put your things in order. This is your next step.” At the end of that sentence the Kestrel ghast began to tear up, well as best a lobster-bear-like former and now half dead demon can tear up. It began to snap its claws and cry.“Now is your time to query. Ask!”, the Kestrel ghast let out between cries and leaning against Kaplin’s shoulder. By now the censors had figured out the situation and the two militia men were blinking and looking at each other as if they completely missed out on what had happened. The one young man kept rubbing his chest and in the distance the older man and the overweight thirty something man kept arguing amongst laughter back to the café. Some balance was restored and the rewrite went over very quick and smooth.Kaplin looked to Mathew.            “Well?”Lemon reached into his black bag without taking an eye off the Ghast, he still didn’t trust all this madness that had just passed, then pulled out one of the many objects and asked…